Saturday, August 13, 2011
Home Sweet Home
I realize that I'm extremely lucky to be a homeowner. I have a beautiful house in a nice neighborhood in a quiet town. I couldn't be happier. Now lets talk about how much owning a home sucks. Once you purchase your home, the work begins. In the past year, we have had mice in the basement, bees in the kitchen (on going) an ice dam that flooded our bedroom and 15 feet of snow that ruined our ceiling. There's always some bullshit thing going on that you either have to fix, pay someone to fix or ignore until they wear you down. The "they" I'm referring to is our wives. I don't care if you move into a million dollar mansion or a modest abode, if you have a wife, she will want to change everything. According to my wife, we currently need: new stairs, a new walk, hot top for the driveway, a new room for my son, a new back door, a swing set and a new deck. I realize that some things are unavoidable but I'm the type of guy who likes to spread things out over like 5 years. One project a year is more than enough in my eyes but not theirs. They will want to paint, refinish, expand and then move. In that order. I know she's a woman and "she has the right to change her mind", I've heard that quote 3 times a day for the past 3 years but if we ever try and change our minds on anything, that shit doesn't fly. I'm all about delaying the inevitable, that is my game plan and she is aware because once they get something in their heads, it's just a matter of time before they wear you down with incessant nagging about how we don't do anything around here and why wouldn't we want to improve our homes. They fail to mention that the reason we are improving our homes is so we can sell it and move to a more expensive one just to start this excruciating process all over again. I guess I should just be glad that she hasn't tried to upgrade husbands yet. Although this would be very difficult, I'm sure there's someone out there who might be on the same home improvement game plan as her. He would have to have no job and unlimited funds but who knows, he may be out there. I guess it could be worse, she could have a husband who didn't notice a woodpecker punching golf ball size holes in our siding because he was taking a nap on the couch after a long day of golf.