Man vs Dirt

I wanted to take a few minutes to attack a hot button issue that I know has been on everyone's mind lately. It's somewhat controversial so I'll do my best not to offend anyone but I can't make any promises. I know all you ladies out there are probably a bit more concerned with hygiene than most of us men are but that's not to say that we don't want to look good and more importantly smell good for our better halves. The issue at hand is bar soap vs. body wash. I'm sure everyone has already formed an opinion one way or the other so let me say my piece and I'll put this issue to rest once and for all. I realize that a man using body wash may seem a bit feminine at first glance but the bottom line is it's the absolute laziest way to clean ourselves and the result is a fresh scented masterpiece when you follow these simple steps: 1. Get a plain sponge (not the frilly pink thing your wife uses from Bed Bath and Beyond). 2. Lather the hell out of it with Irish Spring or Old Spice 3 in 1 and make it look like the frosty head of you favorite beer. 3. Wash yourself from head to toe (when done correctly, this should take approx.8 seconds). 4. Rinse. The duration of your shower should be no longer than 5 minutes and you won't feel like you just rubbed a foreign object in places reserved only for your wife on Saturday nights every other month. Also, for all you inmates reading along, this should be a no brainer. It will take dropping the soap completely out of the equation (unless your into that sort of thing). If they ever develop a 4 in 1 that allows you to brush your teeth with it, I'll be the first in line. I hope my readers don't think less of me for emphatically voicing my opinion on this sensitive subject but I had to get this off my mind.